Monday, August 08, 2005

A message to one thinking of killing herself, himself

I am concerned for your life

from several of the things I’ve read, heard, or seen, I feel that you might benefit from sound counseling on life planning. I hope that you do not take this the wrong way, that I am criticizing you in a negative way, or meddling.

Well perhaps I am meddling,(wry smile here) but I would like to offer any help I could reasonably provide, starting in terms of answering any questions you might have on avoiding suicide.

I am a survivor of suicidal behaviour, if not actual attempts. I have tried to get myself killed in order to avoid the pain and sorrow I thought I was experiencing. I considered jumping off bridges, stabbing myself, jumping in front of trucks or trains… a good friend from Yokohama talked me out of it.

I then tried to get killed by walking through very dangerous neighbourhoods, such as Barcelona’s port and red light district—el Barrio Chino, Chicago’s Cabrini Green, New York’s Harlem, Flatbush, Kenner, New Orlean’s cemeteries, Vieux Carre’, Canal Street, various “projects,” rural areas where no one knew me, such as the Ozarks…

I joined the military, and joined the combat engineers. We went to Iraq. I went to Baghdad and back.

By the time I got through most of this, I had a better “feel” for what is life, and I think that for the most part, I am a survivor, if not entirely out of the woods. Today, I take Prozac, get counselling, and otherwise strive to improve myself, to “be there” for my wife and two children, my aging parents, my younger brother and sisters, one of whom is incapable of taking care of herself.

If there is any way I can help any of you who are thinking of committing suicide, well, helping you to seriously consider your choices, carefully, well, then please communicate with me via this site or my web logs.

Just remember, for now: once you actually commit suicide, there’s no coming back to try your life again.

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